Dear God

I admit. I haven't been doing all I can to be like you. In fact, I have been quite lazy. I haven't been reading my word and I haven't been thinking of how merciful you have been to me as often as I should. Most importantly,I've taken a step back instead of moving a step closer to your ways. In this new year Lord,help me to be more like you. Help me to realize that you are the only guarantee to true happiness and success. Help my spirit stay strong when my flesh wants to quit. Show me how to enjoy being single with Christ. Eliminate and minimize my distractions. Help me help someone else. Be my answer when I have questions. Be my eyes when I can't see. There is no love like that in which you offer. I just want to be better, and I want everyone to see. Amen :)
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Who trains the Dog?

You are your biggest obstacle.I reminded myself that tonight as my phone rang. It's 1am and you're calling me,why? As angry as I am, I still wish to speak with you. It makes me sick. In some twisted way, my mind forces itself to believe that if I can maintain a cold conversation with you I have won. Lol at myself. The days that I ignored him made me feel so good; Knowing that you called and I didn't flinch. To know that you keep asking me why I'm not speaking to you,and the fact that I won't respond is eating you up. But,what happens when I finally do respond? When I finally give in and laugh at one of your jokes? Do I allow you to feel that comfort that you no longer deserve/uphold? It's such a double standard. I hate when people say "people change".. Do they really? And if they do change, is it for you?- I doubt it. Most of the time,when a change occurs, the future reaps the benefit..as it should. How can I call you all these horrible names if I'm still entertaining you? You're apart of my past and I'd like to keep you there. I don't want to be a hypocritical woman. I want to look at my mistakes and learn from them. How can I ask God for a blessing if I don't prepare myself for it? I hope the next time you call I remember this speech I just gave myself.
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I was just thinking...

I love the fact I can blog from my phone. I woke up this morning and I just had to thank God. I can't wait to tell my story. In all actuality, I'd like to tell it now but I'm hesitant because I haven't completely overcome my situation. I want to make sure this struggle has a happy ending. Its true when they say,"You never know what someone else is going through". I admire strength in others because I too know what it's like to fall....even when people think you are always standing upright. We all have our short comings.
on a lighter note:
 I was watching the Amerie ft Fab video more than love video and it was heart warming. Too bad people don't really do stuff like that anymore lol.

 if anyone remembers the video joe had back in the day,it kind of reminded me of that... actually, it's just like it.

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BLACK man. white woman.

Today I was watching the Cavs vs. Lakers game(#teamLebron) and I made a comment about how I support Lebron over Kobe because he stuck with his sistahs(the black women) over dating/marrying a white woman.

My friend then called me an "angry black woman"

Why do I have to be an angry black woman because I prefer to see black love? I don't discriminate on love, Nor do I discriminate on inner racial marriages.

There's just nothing like black love.

 It's one thing if you date ALL kinds of women or always dated white girls. But I CANT STAND those men who feel like its the "easy way out" .Don't act like you don't know what im talking about. And I'm not talking about Tiger Woods because realistically, he's always dated white girls..hell he doesn't even consider himself "African American"...
I'm talking about The Terrence Howards

The Tay Diggs

The Lamars :/

I can only speak for myself when I say it honestly rubs me the wrong way. The fact that people say "we" nag, We yell, we're too loud, we're not submissive enough. It's almost embarrassing to me. I use these men as an example because they all exemplify trifling in my eyes.

Yes, you are entitled to love the person of your choice, but why eliminate the race that knows you best?

The athletes/entertainers  make me most upset because they are supposed to be role models to the average man. They date black girls all their lives than get a few million dollars and go and marry a white girl whose family doesn't know anything about their heritage. Or they do all their dirt with the black woman, introduce her to the family and friends, and get a white girl as a trophy wife....

#imjustsaying

I enjoy seeing black people together; positive black relationships. I don't care what ANYONE SAYS.

No one can love a black man better than a black woman.

I hope one day I get the opportunity to love a black man the right way, and show the younger generations. Kinda like Barack and Michelle

We're all the same. We're all different.

People always have something to say,myself included. Why is that? Why are we so quick to criticize one another but hate the reciprocity? Idk,it was just on my mind. Sometimes,(almost all the time) my thoughts are scattered. They say most artistic people are weird. I don't mind :) I think im indifferent. I think I am one of the meanest people and one of the nicest at the same time. Is that possible? I know so. I think we are all misunderstood in some way. There is something inside of us or about us that no other human being will know, even if they DO think they know everything about us. I hate the word secret sometimes. I mean, i know the meaning but it sounds so bad..everything that people don't know or that you don't tell can't be a secret... its just something they haven't found out...Or haven't taken the time to see.

I think at times we keep things from ourselves.

I know i keep things from myself sometimes. Why do people act like they are so fearless? It's ok to be strong, confident,and have tough skin..but fearless? You're lying to yourself. People associate ownership of fear with weakness. If you can not openly confront your fears and work towards them, what makes you strong?

We all have our own opinions.This is mine.

"why are you always so mad" is what people always ask me. And that in itself makes me mad. Everyone won't understand you but sometimes i wish they could. Honestly, nothing makes me angrier than someone asking me why I am mad. I am a passionate human being.

Get over it.

Truth be told, when i really care about people I am the most sappiest/cuddling/awww person you will ever meet and it makes me sick lol.And when I don't care about people...well....you do the math.

Where is this coming from? I really don't know lol, but its my blog and i can write what I want to ;p







I think I'm ready

Merry Christmas Ladies :)

I want to encourage all of my friends(this ones for the ladies) to stay strong. More often than not, we are criticized for showing too much emotion, being too clingy, and "needing" too much. All that really means is that you have yet to meet the man who is capable of giving you your well deserved desires. I am not a man basher, nor am i hopeless; I'm just trying to make the love light a little bit brighter for my sistas who have lost hope.I've gotten too many calls/texts within the past few days about being alone for the holidays(meaning no man) and how "niggas aint shit"(the class term). My own mother said she doesn't want to see another man lying to her face unless he is a millionaire because she'd rather have a rich liar than a broke liar...I don't want to adopt these beliefs(but they do make it hard). I'm not even gonna front, I wish I did have someone significant around for the holidays, but I always have my family.

I always have myself.

Being a woman..a GROWING woman isn't easy. People expect us to be perfect in their worlds of imperfection, shaking their heads at us because we expect too much, or because we are asking the wrong people. Regardless, one christmas, you will get what you asked for..who you asked for..and times like these will be worth it :)

Merry Christmas