You are your biggest obstacle.I reminded myself that tonight as my phone rang. It's 1am and you're calling me,why? As angry as I am, I still wish to speak with you. It makes me sick. In some twisted way, my mind forces itself to believe that if I can maintain a cold conversation with you I have won. Lol at myself. The days that I ignored him made me feel so good; Knowing that you called and I didn't flinch. To know that you keep asking me why I'm not speaking to you,and the fact that I won't respond is eating you up. But,what happens when I finally do respond? When I finally give in and laugh at one of your jokes? Do I allow you to feel that comfort that you no longer deserve/uphold? It's such a double standard. I hate when people say "people change".. Do they really? And if they do change, is it for you?- I doubt it. Most of the time,when a change occurs, the future reaps the benefit..as it should. How can I call you all these horrible names if I'm still entertaining you? You're apart of my past and I'd like to keep you there. I don't want to be a hypocritical woman. I want to look at my mistakes and learn from them. How can I ask God for a blessing if I don't prepare myself for it? I hope the next time you call I remember this speech I just gave myself.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
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